I've been in a rough spot, creatively speaking, for nearly two years. It's like all at once my ability to express the wonder I feel about creation and humanity was taken away. I was left to drift, not really sure where to go or what to do.

I'm still that way. I'm not going to kid myself. This is hard work, even writing this blog post. Why this happened I'm really not sure, but I'm determined to fight my way out of it, and to find the spark in my soul once again. 

It's not like I've been unhappy - not at all. It's been a great and fascinating couple of years. I have simply felt trapped by my inability to express any of it creatively. Two and a half years ago I was taking pictures, writing some poetry, starting a novel... and then it all came crashing to a halt. I continued, pretending not to notice, trying to adapt to the life of one simply living instead of being one who creates, but it never really satisfied my soul. 

Today I was in Chapters in Vancouver and noticed two books that really piqued my interest - one was called The War of Art, and the other was a blank themed journaled titled Vs.

The War of Art looked like a fascinating little book, but at barely 100 pages and a 20$ price tag, I couldn't justify picking it up. Maybe I'll find it on Amazon. In the book, the author discussed the force of Resistance, the thing that every creator faces that calls him or her to put down the [brush/pen/chisel/keyboard/instrument/camera] and pick up the [game controller/TV remote/cheezy fantasy novel]. I feel that force. I've given in to it so many times. I've beaten something like 15 Xbox games in the last 3 months. I think I need this book.

The journal, Vs., again was 20$, and for a book with almost no words I could not justify it. The concept, however, was clever - on every page was a simple statement: boy vs. girl. man vs. bear. hippie vs. yuppie. uptown vs. downtown. And then a blank page. The idea, I suppose, is that the statement would get the creative juices flowing, and you would write something about the statement on the page. I love that concept, and it got my brain running right away. Maybe I should buy that book too.

I am eager to create again, and I know I will.

As for why I love my wife, well, there are many reasons, but one is that she notices what I sometimes miss. She noticed that we are still deeply connected to the Downtown East Side, and we need to return one day.. I'm not sure if I would have figured that out on my own.

Which brings me to hockey.

I enjoy watching hockey, but more for the social aspect than anything else. As far as I can tell, at the heart of it is a bunch of guys I've never met, getting paid far more than I will ever get paid, passing a small hunk of rubber around the ice. I mean, sure it's fun to watch - and I can definitely see the appeal to playing - but I don't feel like I owe anything emotionally to Luongo or the Sedin twins. However, I seem to be in the minority here.

Driving down South Fraser here in Abbotsford, the crowds were crazy - people lining the streets, yelling and high-fiving each other. sitting in my apartment, I can still hear the cars honking. It seems like everyone agrees with the sentiment displayed on huge banners in Rogers Arena - 'This is what we live for.' This, to me, is a little sad. I think there is so much else to live for.

Honestly, I felt like Spock, watching the people lining the road. I felt like an outsider, observing an alien culture that I had no real hope of understanding. I couldn't - and still can't - comprehend the joy written of the faces of the people. I usually associate joy with seeing a loved one, or watching hard work come to fruition, not with watching a sporting event.

I'm not saying that it's wrong (although the similarities between hockey and religion are interesting), I'm just saying that I don't understand it. This is a little piece of culture that I don't 'get', and so it fascinates me. Maybe one day it will click, and I will be able to hoot and holler along with everyone else. Until then, I will arch one eyebrow, stare out into the crowd, and mutter, 'fascinating'.

I think being in the Downtown East Side burned me out more than I was ever willing to admit. This year has been busy, crazy, exciting, and very, very full, but I have not done any personal writing or hardly any photography in almost a year. Everything I once found energizing suddenly began to exhaust me. The process of editing photos, working on my blog, writing down thoughts... even the idea of doing something creative exhausted me. 

In other areas of my life, however, things have been great. My wife an I were married this past September, and we have been hard at work adjusting to a life that has been new and exciting for both of us. My wife is extremely supportive of both my academic and artistic endevours, but I'm afraid that my own self-confidence grabs hold all too easily. Once something is written or edited and 'out there' I'm ok, but up until that point I find I have to battle through waves of uncertainty, self-deprecation, and doubt. 

I think/hope that the majority of that is behind me. I have felt a deep desire to begin writing again, and perhaps shooting as well. I've been taking some pictures with my iPhone, which seems to be helping to get the creative juices flowing.

On the writing side of things, this blog is going to be part of the process of returning to creativity. I have had a fantasy story rattling around in my head for years, and I'm going to post some thoughts on getting it on paper here. I'm also going to write about my day job - currently landscaping, but soon I will be entering my last year of Bible college as well as being president of the Student Council. 

My passions will, hopefully, shine through here as well. I am fascinated by the way that technology and society interact. Faith, tech, life - there is a great deal to think about, and I will use this space to explore some of my thoughts. How is social media changing the way that we interact with each other, and how we view ourselves?

By the way, the USA hit their debt ceiling this week. Very interesting time to be alive.

This blog is going to be much more unstructured heading out. I'm going to include some of my writing, some of my photography, and some of my life journey. I hope you will join me on this journey. 

Miles Black, a performer from Nanaimo.

Lead guitar of We Are The City

Long Beach in December

Robson street during the Olympics.

More to come soon!

I'm heading out to Richmond today on the Canada line. I took this shot with my iPhone, edited it with tiltshiftgen and cinemafx.